At 38 years I was sinking in the depths of my ocean.

Once again my world was crashing down.

I found comfort in my research of what possibly could  be wrong with me - I felt broken, confused and everything I tried to explain to others simply made me feel worse- because they didn't understand. 

 

Usually I'd run away, re-start all over again.......

 

But this time was different I had found a connection, I felt an understanding that was so difficult to express.

I simply knew I was on the right path and no matter how hard things became I was not willing to give up. 

 

At 39 years I received my official diagnosis of Autism. 

 

You would think things would start to get easier, I would finally have that understanding from others that I had longed for but unfortunately it wasn't that simple. 

People knew the Michelle who wore the mask so efficiently that they could not see or understand the struggles I truly faced each day. 

 

I realized I was expecting them to do something that in fairness I still could not do myself- Accept me for who I am.  

 

I struggle with Alexithymia.

I love the fantasy world.

I am driven by justice and hope. 

I have a depth that for so long I have been unable to share. 

 

When I share I feel free. 

 

I no longer want to fight to survive.